The wee men are prepping to start kindy next year, so we found the smallest uniforms we could find, and dressed them up ready for their first orientation day. Can I get an awwwwww?
I had to take their pants about 20cm, awwwww. The littlest bloke loved it, and surprised us with taking to it better than anyone expected. Awwwwww. This means I will have all of my babies at school next year, is it too early to book the ticker tape parade? Oh the jobs I will finally get done!
Tag Archives: Kids
The wee men are prepping to start kindy next year, so we found the smallest uniforms we could find, and dressed them up ready for their first orientation day. Can I get an awwwwww?
The school run can be a frazzling experience with my crowd, and slightly insane. I decided to make a note of what goes down in my mummy van. It starts the second they get in.
Henry, “I’m a good master chef.”
Austin, “I want donut, we go shop” (this is not a request, it’s a statement). No
Austin, “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (crying) I want go shop now”
Charlie, “Yay let’s go shop! Donuts.”
Henry, “Mummy did you see that I’m a good master chef? I didn’t hear a yes?” Yes
Henry, “mummy what’s master chef?”
A show about barristers that dream about being baristas Honey. Henry, “what’s a barista?”
The lady at shop who makes mummy her coffee.
Charlie, “mummy look at my keg”
Austin, “no no no leg”
Charlie, “Mummy look at my leg. It’s broken it needs a doctor. Doctordoctordoctor!” Your leg is not broken.
Charlie, “you look at my leg”
Georgie, “mummy did you have a pet contest at school? You have to put our fish in a container for me.” Uh huh. We’ll see.
Charlie, “I ate the cheese.”
Henry, “Mummy does Amy’s house have a front door?”
Henry, “is it red?”
I can’t remember.
Henry, “is it blue?”
I really don’t know.
Henry, after a pause. “Mummy is it brown?”
Charlie, “doctor doctor doctor doctor” (chanted like a siren)
Austin, “mummy how you do that?”
Austin, “do that?”
Um. Like this.
Charlie, “Doctor doctor doctor”
Georgie, “Mum how do you do the dugong?”
Georgie, “the dugong, like this!” I spy hands waving in the air in he rear view mirror. Yep like that.
Charlie, “go shop. Wah.” He actually said the word ‘wah’
Charlie, “wah” with added smug grin.
Henry, “what does Jordons name start with?”
Henry, “you’re a liar it does not start with j!”
Ah here we go, the after school rage is coming out.
Don’t call mummy a liar. Do you know what liar means?
Henry, “you said a bad word! Don’t say that bad word to me!” What word as the bad word?
Henry, “That one! Can we have pudding?.”
I think you’ve had enough pudding. I mean, mummy doesn’t have pudding in the car.
Austin, “I want pudding” proceeds to bawl his eyes out.
Henry, “I didn’t hear a yes?”
Charlie, “pudding pudding pudding!” Again chanted like a siren. Sorry after dinner. No pudding in the car.
Georgie, “I’ll be good. Can I have pudding?”
Henry, “mummy did you eat the pudding?”
Austin, “A dogs doing a wee!” At least the tears have stopped. Henry “whys that dog doing a wee?”
He needed to.
Charlie, “I want to wee in the garden!”
Austin, “Mummy can I go toilet?”
No. Nearly home.
Charlie, “hey look at my wee wee”
Leave your pants on!
Austin, “can I go toilet?”
Do you really need to go?
Georgie, “if I’m good can I have pudding while the boys are not allowed?” Ah no.
Henry, “me too.”
THERE IS NO PUDDING IN THE CAR. THERE MAY NOT EVEN BE PUDDING AT HOME. YOU LOT ARE NEGOTIATING FOR SOMETHING I DONT HAVE! Silence
Georgie, “but I’ve been good.”
Sigh. Let’s go get pudding. I need some pudding.
Henry, “but I will get cold”
For the love of…
I thought there was nothing a child could throw at me that I couldn’t take, if there is a mum that can probably take on anyone with combat training it’d be me. Oh yeah, I reckon I’m a hardcore mum. Crap on the carpet and vomit on the wall, plus dinner to get on the table and all at the same time, oh yeah I got this – totally all over it.
But then there was Charlie.
Charlie is adorable. Clearly this is all part of his cover. The signs were there, I just didn’t pay attention…
Take last summers holiday for instance, I had decided in my wisdom to take the six kids over the coast on my own (because I’m totally a combat mummy right?) the Hubster was going to come later when he was on days off. We arrive at the holiday house and Austin (the town crier) let the neighbourhood know he wanted a drink, I was about to remind him how to ask politely when I heard Charlie tell him “Don’t worry Austin I’ll get you a drink”. I wondered how Charlie would get it, since he is too little to reach a tap yet. So I decided to check. There he was cup in hand, his little willy in the other peeing in the cup and about to hand it too his brother to drink. HOW DID HE EVEN THINK OF THAT?! (I’m fairly sure we haven’t let him watch any Bear Grylls).
Part of me nearly didn’t stop him, and I hear you judging, but come on you can’t tell me isn’t there just a little part of you that is thinking it would be SO funny if he actually took a sip. I fought off the temptation to laugh my arse off at my child’s expense, and stopped the drink being handed over.
I now regard anything given to me by the small one with suspicion and a good sniff.
Little brothers, evil incarnate. They’ve sat and watched their elder siblings, and while they were still figuring stuff out and getting in trouble, little brothers are taking notice working out the loop holes.
And then there is Charlie… you never know when he’ll strike either. I took him to the loo at the shops recently, and on this day I had chosen to wear a skirt, a mistake I won’t make again.
Sharing a public toilet cubicle with a small child is always a bit interesting at the best of times, Mummy are you doing poos?! (He sticks head under the gap to look at your neighbour) Are they doing poos? Or they open the door while your pants are halfway down, being the helpful little people that they are.
On this day Charlie had done his thing and then I needed to do mine, and while he observed the proceedings he noticed I was wearing a skirt. Clearly in his mind this observation had to be made in the form of a public announcement “Mummy you ain’t got no pants on!” I hear a stifled giggle in the cubicle next to me and I explain loud enough so I could be heard by my neighbour “No honey, mummy has a skirt on and here are my pants SEE?!” Nope, not good enough for him “No, you ain’t got no pants on!” As I try to convince him otherwise, people in the toilets are just laughing out loud now, and I realise that at some point I’m going to have to go out there and face women who think I’ve gone shopping sans panties. Maybe I’m more of a commando mum than I thought?
So I wait until I think everyone is gone (“What are you doing mummy? Can we go now? What’s in that bin? Can I play with it?”) and sneak out, but oh no there had to be someone still at the sink. She laughed and said how funny little boys are, but I could tell she was checking me out for visible panty lines. I drag the boy out to his father who was waiting near the food court, and there was a brief lull in which Charlie decided was the best moment to tell his father “Mummy ain’t got no pants on!” Fifty heads turned simultaneously and looked at me (agog, food halfway to their faces), all of them clearly wondering if I had indeed gone shopping without pants. To which the Hubster responded, with a glimmer of surprise/hope in his eyes “Really?” Yeah sure Hun we’re how old now?!
It seems I have a challenge before me.
While I don’t like to conform, I think that a 2013 round up post is in order. It’s been a very crappy year, and feel you all need to hear why I’ve been a bit hard to find or get to do anything, or just be anything really. I’m not quite sure how to lay it all out, an outright tally of the ugly would be an absolute bummer to read, but hey that what most blogging is about? Drama Although it could be cathartic to unload, out there to the cyberworld. Certainly cheaper than therapy. From what I hear 2013 has been a pretty crappy year for most people I know, and just when one shit event is done with another one comes along. Karma it seems, has taken the year off.
We all have our crap threshold. However big or small, we all have limits. There is only so much a person can take before they crack it. I have lost count of how many times this year I wanted to chuck an Eric Cartman, “screw you guys I’m going home”.
Flash back to February when I got the up the notion of obtaining some part time employment, I decided I wanted to be a firefighter. I lost a pot load of weight and got fit, and I got the job. Dropped a ladder on my head during an assessment, and found out that I have neck bones that will no longer take a beating. Bugger. Back on went the weight while I tried to rest it, yeah even the doctor laughed at that idea of me ‘resting’.
Meanwhile I was working on the assessment stuff for our latest autistic addition, the paperwork just gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. I think I spent at six months sorting his stuff out alone. For our very first diagnosis we got one report and that was it, I miss the days when a paediatricians word was good enough. Also had to get the Future Dark Overlord reassessed so he could keep his place at school. I really need a PA just to keep a handle on all these assessments and reports for me. It’s been a busy damn year for kid corro that’s for sure.
And then my doggies died. Followed by a rather spectacular car smash, in which my mum and eldest son sustained head injuries and end up airlifted in different directions. Thankfully they pulled up ok, the car didn’t and mum learnt a valuable lesson about the insurance (that she really should have had some!).
We carried on. We kept seeking out the good stuff. Taking the kids camping and looking for the fun stuff. As far as the kids are concerned this has been a rocking year, thank god the parental smoke screen is holding. We even adopted another dog, a Greyhuahua (which is totally a real duel breed name).
And then I got sick. Really sick with an antibiotic resistant infection, after being treated with the biggest anti’b tablets you’ll ever see I slowly got better. But, and you saw that big ol’ but coming didn’t you, the treatment damaged my hearing permanently. So before I turn 40 I’m wearing hearing aides, yes that deaf. I knew I was having trouble hearing the kids, but I thought that was only because they all have to talk at once. Interesting side note here is my audiologist can download the levels of noise I am exposed to while wearing them, she said she has never seen any patient with so much everyday noise. She no longer scolds me for not wearing them as much as I should.
In the background leg work for my autie kids continued. Never ending and always keeping me busy, how did I think I was going to have time to do a job?! I don’t think I can adequately convey just how much ‘stuff’ my kids generated this year, it was almost overwhelming.
We decided we needed to relax, the worst was over right? And we went over to the coast and one day we had fish and chips at our favourite take away. When I had an allergic reaction to fish. Having never reacted to it before, I was unprepared but lived to tell the tale. Remember the big ass antibiotics? Turns out they’ve messed with my bodies ability to process histamines and a whole bag of other really awesome foods. Suddenly I can’t eat a lot of things. So I now have an audiologist and an immunologist. Uh huh. But it was this or kidney failure, so you know…
Just today I bought myself some glucosamine for the arthritic joints, and made a mental note of what colour walking frame I’d like. A green one in case you’re wondering, it would’ve been red but that colour just gives way to the expectation that I can go faster and you and I both know with my luck I’ll have a hip replacement next year.
As a sense of normal finally seemed to settle on the house our eldest autie boy decided to spice things up with a seizure. A big one. So big his heart stopped. We are racking up the frequent flyer miles in the careflight helicopters.
The pilot remembered us from the last trip, he didn’t even have to tell me how to work my headset. This time I kept my phone handy to take some aerial shots, as you do.
It had been a year exactly since he’d had one, so I’m not booking anything for this coming september just in case its a seasonal thing It took about a month to get him back on track and we are continuing to treat it as a seizure disorder.
We got home from the hospital just in time for the Husband to fly out to Vietnam, as it is his turn for a holiday this year. Probably a good thing it was his turn, because I’m pretty sure had I had some plane tickets, you may not have seen me on these shores again for some time. But things did settle, aside from the usual chaos, and we set off on holiday to celebrate fifteen years married. Rented ourselves a flash beach house at Narooma, and quite probably had the best time we’ve had all year, even if we did take all the children
The very next day after we get home, I had a head on car smash with a lady who had decided to drive off her face on drugs, past a school. Probably a good thing she ran into to me really, but still I really didn’t need my new car written off or my shoulder all hurty.
While the car was insured and replaceable, we encountered untold drama getting the paperwork sorted. If something could be sent in the wrong direction, it would be. But the biggest drama was our autie kids dealing with the car being gone, I didn’t expect them to cry for days about it. In the middle of all this drama, the Husband received an award for Life Saving from the Governor General, and we’re all just a little bit proud of that. And my eldest made it through his first lot of army training and is now an official soldier, I’m very happy he is such a together kid who reminds me everyday just how old I am getting.
A month on we finally have cars in the driveway and money back in the bank, a very trying christmas looked to be on the cards. However the one intelligent thing I did this year was lay-by the kids christmas gifts in March, Ms Santa came to one and all. Even if she did get the parcels in the post a little late
Now here we are it’s new years eve, the end of this yucky ass year, but we’re still all here! I have expectations of 2014, and while they say expectation is the root of all disappointment, we all need to have something to hope for right? Even if it’s just for the year to be a none event. So if the apocalypse could just hold out until 2015 that’d be great, I’ll be too tired to deal with it next year.
I’ll leave you all with this quote from Doctor Who to end the year on. I think it fits us nicely. Thank you all for reading this far, and to those of you who have supported us this year we thank you xxx
It hasn’t been all bad, just bad enough to keep us too busy
I was having one of those mornings, when pushing my buttons is pretty easy. It’s as if my button is a gigantic bright red one with do not push written all over it, and so what is the first thing you want to do? PUSH IT! I decided to use today as a writing day, because I just don’t get to anymore. Things didn’t quite go to plan, I didn’t get to write what I was supposed to write, but I do have a tale to tell.
By the end of this post I will probably end up curling up in a ball rocking back and forth, but I’ll give it a shot. I have to write something today! I decided to start the day off with a bit of fun for the kids, the idea was to get them tired so that they’d leave me alone. I took them, on my own (yes all six of them), to the local spring festival. Usually I’ve got this shit, or so I thought.
I should’ve seen the warning signs when the first tantrum started from the four year old (Mr ‘cry because it gets me things at school‘), because I dared to stop and look at a market stall, we’d only just arrived and already it was on. We skip the stalls and go and spend the necessary half hour on the play equipment, while they play I spend the time perfecting my apology statements to the parents of other children that may have experienced the wrath of my minions. Eventually I run out of ideas and we move on to the gates of hell; sideshow alley. Barely getting past the show bag stand with my wallet intact, and only doing so by distracting the smaller children as we passed. With faces all painted like cats, we are almost out the other side and on the home straight, when they see it. The inflatable alter at which all children come to weep, worship and bounce. The jumping castle.
This ought to round things off nicely I thought. Idiot.
Only little ones were allowed on the castle, however my big thirteen year old autie boy still thinks he is little, and was already taking off his shoes to go on. The lovely bloke running the ride said to me that he could go on, saying he looks like a gentle giant and shouted him a free go. Regrets….. I have a few….. Can you hear that song? I can.
On they go, Miss 12 and Mr ’cry because it gets me things at school‘ decided to sit this one out. As soon as his bottom touched the ground the tears began to fall for the bazillionth time that day, he wanted a lollypop. Bawling as if I’d branded him and wanting something that I didn’t have either, so I did my best to settle him down. While I was doing this Autie boy decided to let everyone know just how much he was enjoying the jumping castle, by stripping naked. Yes you read that right, in front of around 20 people he gets his kit off, and puberty is not being kind to him at the moment. ALL KINDS OF AWKWARD.
I launch myself into the castle and grab him his clothes and his siblings and drag them out and behind it, throwing my apologies in every direction as I went. Miss 12 goes into damage control mode, which she has sadly gotten very good at and rounds up all our remaining gear and waits. Close enough if I need her, but not close enough for people to be sure she is with us. I wouldn’t come near us either if I was her, geez we’re embarrassing.
Autie boy clothed and shod, I attempt to leave. That’s when I find Mr 3 standing in the tulips pulling them out, and Mr 4 sitting on a picnic blanket of a strange family eating their food.
And that my friends is the moment I pushed my own big red button.