Tag Archives: Kids

We have a new Dark Overlord.

I thought there was nothing a child could throw at me that I couldn’t take, if there is a mum that can probably take on anyone with combat training it’d be me.  Oh yeah, I reckon I’m a hardcore mum.  Crap on the carpet and vomit on the wall, plus dinner to get on the table and all at the same time, oh yeah I got this – totally all over it.

But then there was Charlie.

Our youngest is beginning to exhibit behaviour that leaves us wondering, if not somewhat nervous (and hiding the matches).  We thought we’d seen it all, after all Henry did once blow up our kitchen.

Charlie is adorable.  Clearly this is all part of his cover.  The signs were there, I just didn’t pay attention… OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Take last summers holiday for instance, I had decided in my wisdom to take the six kids over the coast on my own (because I’m totally a combat mummy right?) the Hubster was going to come later when he was on days off.   We arrive at the holiday house and Austin (the town crier) let the neighbourhood know he wanted a drink, I was about to remind him how to ask politely when I heard Charlie tell him “Don’t worry Austin I’ll get you a drink”.  I wondered how Charlie would get it, since he is too little to reach a tap yet.  So I decided to check.  There he was cup in hand, his little willy in the other peeing in the cup and about to hand it too his brother to drink. HOW DID HE EVEN THINK OF THAT?! (I’m fairly sure we haven’t let him watch any Bear Grylls).

Part of me nearly didn’t stop him, and I hear you judging, but come on you can’t tell me isn’t there just a little part of you that is thinking it would be SO funny if he actually took a sip.  I fought off the temptation to laugh my arse off at my child’s expense, and stopped the drink being handed over.

I now regard anything given to me by the small one with suspicion and a good sniff.

Little brothers, evil incarnate.  They’ve sat and watched their elder siblings, and while they were still figuring stuff out and getting in trouble, little brothers are taking notice working out the loop holes.

And then there is Charlie… you never know when he’ll strike either.  I took him to the loo at the shops recently, and on this day I had chosen to wear a skirt, a mistake I won’t make again.

Sharing a public toilet cubicle with a small child is always a bit interesting at the best of times, Mummy are you doing poos?! (He sticks head under the gap to look at your neighbour) Are they doing poos? Or they open the door while your pants are halfway down, being the helpful little people that they are.

On this day Charlie had done his thing and then I needed to do mine, and while he observed the proceedings he noticed I was wearing a skirt.  Clearly in his mind this observation had to be made in the form of a public announcement “Mummy you ain’t got no pants on!”  I hear a stifled giggle in the cubicle next to me and I explain loud enough so I could be heard by my neighbour “No honey, mummy has a skirt on and here are my pants SEE?!”  Nope, not good enough for him “No, you ain’t got no pants on!”  As I try to convince him otherwise, people in the toilets are just laughing out loud now, and I realise that at some point I’m going to have to go out there and face women who think I’ve gone shopping sans panties.  Maybe I’m more of a commando mum than I thought?

So I wait until I think everyone is gone (“What are you doing mummy? Can we go now? What’s in that bin? Can I play with it?”) and sneak out, but oh no there had to be someone still at the sink.  She laughed and said how funny little boys are, but I could tell she was checking me out for visible panty lines.   I drag the boy out to his father who was waiting near the food court, and there was a brief lull in which Charlie decided was the best moment to tell his father “Mummy ain’t got no pants on!”  Fifty heads turned simultaneously and looked at me (agog, food halfway to their faces), all of them clearly wondering if I had indeed gone shopping without pants.  To which the Hubster responded, with a glimmer of surprise/hope in his eyes “Really?”  Yeah sure Hun we’re how old now?!

It seems I have a challenge before me.

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Filed under Kids Say the Darndest Things, Moments, The Kids, Too Much Information

I’d like my walking frame in green thanks.

While I don’t like to conform, I think that a 2013 round up post is in order. It’s been a very crappy year, and feel you all need to hear why I’ve been a bit hard to find or get to do anything, or just be anything really.  I’m not quite sure how to lay it all out, an outright tally of the ugly would be an absolute bummer to read, but hey that what most blogging is about? Drama ;)  Although it could be cathartic to unload, out there to the cyberworld. Certainly cheaper than therapy. From what I hear 2013 has been a pretty crappy year for most people I know, and just when one shit event is done with another one comes along.  Karma it seems, has taken the year off.

We all have our crap threshold. However big or small, we all have limits. There is only so much a person can take before they crack  it. I have lost count of how many times this year I wanted to chuck an Eric Cartman, “screw you guys I’m going home”.

Flash back to February when I got the up the notion of obtaining some part time employment, I decided I wanted to be a firefighter. I lost a pot load of weight and got fit, and I got the job.  Dropped a ladder on my head during an assessment, and found out that I have neck bones that will no longer take a beating.  Bugger.  Back on went the weight while I tried to rest it, yeah even the doctor laughed at that idea of me ‘resting’.

Meanwhile I was working on the assessment stuff for our latest autistic addition, the paperwork just gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. I think I spent at six months sorting his stuff out alone. For our very first diagnosis we got one report and that was it, I miss the days when a paediatricians word was good enough.  Also had to get the Future Dark Overlord reassessed so he could keep his place at school.  I really need a PA just to keep a handle on all these assessments and reports for me.  It’s been a busy damn year for kid corro that’s for sure.

And then my doggies died.   Followed by a rather spectacular car smash, in which my mum and eldest son sustained head injuries and end up airlifted in different directions. Thankfully they pulled up ok, the car didn’t and mum learnt a valuable lesson about the insurance (that she really should have had some!).

The much narrower Ford

We carried on. We kept seeking out the good stuff. Taking the kids camping and looking for the fun stuff. As far as the kids are concerned this has been a rocking year, thank god the parental smoke screen is holding.  We even adopted another dog, a Greyhuahua (which is totally a real duel breed name).

And then I got sick.  Really sick with an antibiotic resistant infection, after being treated with the biggest anti’b tablets you’ll ever see I slowly got better.  But, and you saw that big ol’ but coming didn’t you, the treatment damaged my hearing permanently.   So before I turn 40 I’m wearing hearing aides, yes that deaf.  I knew I was having trouble hearing the kids, but I thought that was only because they all have to talk at once.  Interesting side note here is my audiologist can download the levels of noise I am exposed to while wearing them, she said she has never seen any patient with so much everyday noise. She no longer scolds me for not wearing them as much as I should.

In the background leg work for my autie kids continued.  Never ending and always keeping me busy, how did I think I was going to have time to do a job?!  I don’t think I can adequately convey just how much ‘stuff’ my kids generated this year, it was almost overwhelming.

We decided we needed to relax, the worst was over right?  And we went over to the coast and one day we had fish and chips at our favourite take away.  When I had an allergic reaction to fish. Having never reacted to it before, I was unprepared but lived to tell the tale.  Remember the big ass antibiotics?  Turns out they’ve messed with my bodies ability to process histamines and a whole bag of other really awesome foods.  Suddenly I can’t eat a lot of things. So I now have an audiologist and an immunologist. Uh huh.  But it was this or kidney failure, so you know…

Just today I bought myself some glucosamine for the arthritic joints, and made a mental note of what colour walking frame I’d like. A green one in case you’re wondering, it would’ve been red but that colour just gives way to the expectation that I can go faster and you and I both know with my luck I’ll have a hip replacement next year.

As a sense of normal finally seemed to settle on the house our eldest autie boy decided to spice things up with a seizure. A big one. So big his heart stopped. We are racking up the frequent flyer miles in the careflight helicopters.

Getting ready for his airlift. Poor Tom.

The pilot remembered us from the last trip, he didn’t even have to tell me how to work my headset. This time I kept my phone handy to take some aerial shots, as you do.

 

It had been a year exactly since he’d had one, so I’m not booking anything for this coming september just in case its a seasonal thing ;)   It took about a month to get him back on track and we are continuing to treat it as a seizure disorder.

We got home from the hospital just in time for the Husband to fly out to Vietnam, as it is his turn for a holiday this year.  Probably a good thing it was his turn, because I’m pretty sure had I had some plane tickets, you may not have seen me on these shores again for some time.  But things did settle, aside from the usual chaos, and we set off on holiday to celebrate fifteen years married. Rented ourselves a flash beach house at Narooma, and quite probably had the best time we’ve had all year, even if we did take all the children ;)

We saw a seal colony for the first time at Narooma. Loved it!

The very next day after we get home, I had a head on car smash with a lady who had decided to drive off her face on drugs, past a school.  Probably a good thing she ran into to me really, but still I really didn’t need my new car written off or my shoulder all hurty.

MY BABY!!!!

While the car was insured and replaceable, we encountered untold drama getting the paperwork sorted.  If something could be sent in the wrong direction, it would be. But the biggest drama was our autie kids dealing with the car being gone, I didn’t expect them to cry for days about it.  In the middle of all this drama, the Husband received an award for Life Saving from the Governor General, and we’re all just a little bit proud of that. And my eldest made it through his first lot of army training and is now an official soldier, I’m very happy he is such a together kid who reminds me everyday just how old I am getting.

My big boy :)

A month on we finally have cars in the driveway and money back in the bank, a very trying christmas looked to be on the cards.  However the one intelligent thing I did this year was lay-by the kids christmas gifts in March, Ms Santa came to one and all.  Even if she did get the parcels in the post a little late ;)

Our crowd, sans my eldest.

Now here we are it’s new years eve, the end of this yucky ass year, but we’re still all here!  I have expectations of 2014, and while they say expectation is the root of all disappointment, we all need to have something to hope for right? Even if it’s just for the year to be a none event.  So if the apocalypse could just hold out until 2015 that’d be great, I’ll be too tired to deal with it next year.

I’ll leave you all with this quote from Doctor Who to end the year on.  I think it fits us nicely.  Thank you all for reading this far, and to those of you who have supported us this year we thank you xxx

I'm sorry I don't know who to credit for this, please let me know if it's you're fabulous drawing.

It hasn’t been all bad, just bad enough to keep us too busy ;)

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Filed under Autism, Complaints Dept, Health, Holidays, Husbands, Rants & Stuff, Too Much Information

Buttons

I was having one of those mornings, when pushing my buttons is pretty easy.  It’s as if my button is a gigantic bright red one with do not push written all over it, and so what is the first thing you want to do?  PUSH IT!  I decided to use today as a writing day, because I just don’t get to anymore.  Things didn’t quite go to plan, I didn’t get to write what I was supposed to write, but I do have a tale to tell.

By the end of this post I will probably end up curling up in a ball rocking back and forth, but I’ll give it a shot. I have to write something today! I decided to start the day off with a bit of fun for the kids, the idea was to get them tired so that they’d leave me alone.  I took them, on my own (yes all six of them), to the local spring festival.  Usually I’ve got this shit, or so I thought.

I should’ve seen the warning signs when the first tantrum started from the four year old (Mr ‘cry because it gets me things at school‘), because I dared to stop and look at a market stall, we’d only just arrived and already it was on.  We skip the stalls and go and spend the necessary half hour on the play equipment, while they play I spend the time perfecting my apology statements to the parents of other children that may have experienced the wrath of my minions.  Eventually I run out of ideas and we move on to the gates of hell; sideshow alley.  Barely getting past the show bag stand with my wallet intact, and only doing so by distracting the smaller children as we passed.   With faces all painted like cats, we are almost out the other side and on the home straight, when they see it.  The inflatable alter at which all children come to weep, worship and bounce.  The jumping castle.

This ought to round things off nicely I thought. Idiot.

Only little ones were allowed on the castle, however my big thirteen year old autie boy still thinks he is little, and was already taking off his shoes to go on.  The lovely bloke running the ride said to me that he could go on, saying he looks like a gentle giant and shouted him a free go.  Regrets….. I have a few….. Can you hear that song? I can.

On they go, Miss 12 and Mr ’cry because it gets me things at school‘ decided to sit this one out.    As soon as his bottom touched the ground the tears began to fall for the bazillionth time that day, he wanted a lollypop.  Bawling as if I’d branded him and wanting something that I didn’t have either, so I did my best to settle him down.  While I was doing this Autie boy decided to let everyone know just how much he was enjoying the jumping castle, by stripping naked.  Yes you read that right, in front of around 20 people he gets his kit off, and puberty is not being kind to him at the moment.  ALL KINDS OF AWKWARD.

I launch myself into the castle and grab him his clothes and his siblings and drag them out and behind it, throwing my apologies in every direction as I went.  Miss 12 goes into damage control mode, which she has sadly gotten very good at and rounds up all our remaining gear and waits.  Close enough if I need her, but not close enough for people to be sure she is with us.  I wouldn’t come near us either if I was her, geez we’re embarrassing.

Autie boy clothed and shod, I attempt to leave.  That’s when I find Mr 3 standing in the tulips pulling them out, and Mr 4 sitting on a picnic blanket of a strange family eating their food.

And that my friends is the moment I pushed my own big red button.

Tantrum time!

Tantrum time!

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Filed under Complaints Dept, Moments, Rants & Stuff, The Kids, Too Much Information

The rarest of the rare.

You know what the rarest thing that can happen for a family of a large brood?  Getting a photo of all your children looking at the camera, and looking half decent, all at the same time.  This is SO rare I felt it necessary to share. Below is a shot captured by the petting farm people at the Royal Canberra Show last week.  I didn’t even have to take ten shots and photoshop swap their heads around!?

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Filed under Photographic, The Kids

Why do I never learn?

Every time I go shopping with all these bast… cu…. cherubs of mine, I almost always vow never ever ever ever again, because OH MAH GAWD these kids can really misbehave in a most impressive fashion.

The husband doesn’t often get the ‘pleasure’ of taking all six kids shopping, he even managed to miss the experience somehow while I was in China last month.  I try to avoid it too.  However this morning I nipped into the shops for the paper and whatever else it was I just had to have, this time I had only two kids in tow.

Austin and Charlie, own their own, they’re great kids adorable kids even. The kind of kids that attract the attention of nannas, that think they’re cute enough to give them two dollars for the coin op ride in the shopping centre.  I once had a lady come up and give me a bag of milky ways “for the little lad”, because while I was paying for my stuff Austin had been busy waving at the passing ladies and saying Hello as cute as only a three year old can. He had won her heart.  The little con man.  Put them together and pure evil often results.

Back to the supermarket this morning, and I figured its just a quick trip in so I go in sans the double stroller.  Quite often the stroller is the only way to keep a lid on their behaviour, so I really don’t know what I was thinking.  As we enter the chattering starts and both boys want to go here or there, apparently and very loudly, I am told that I am going the wrong way.

Holding two small sweating protesting hands, purse in my teeth and shopping basket being fought over I drag them to the aisles I need. This meant passing lots of lollies and shiny things at toddler height, and it became necessary to move them on.

Austins modus operandi when he wants something is to stand fixed immovably in front of the object of desire, and look as miserable as he possibly can until someone stops and asks him what’s the matter.  He’ll point and tearfully mutter “want it” snot oozing from every hole in his head. I’ll be standing at the end of the aisle telling him “Bye! I’m going now” which has no effect.  Physically removing him is the only answer.  Which is when the kicking and screaming starts.

The problem is, he WILL find an object he wants in every aisle in the shop. Every aisle.

Moving right along, and Austin again decided he wanted something and an ‘Occupy the Chip Aisle’ protest starts.  While levering Austin from his position of protest Charlie vanished, and it is not usually his form to disappear from my line of sight, so I was instantly filled with a sense of doom.  I stop, trying to work out what direction would he have gone listening for the scurrying sound of a toddler making good his escape.  When I hear him giggle, nearby.  I’m alone with Mr ‘Occupy the Chip Aisle’ still standing fixed to the spot, and I figure he isn’t going anywhere so I start a search for Charlie.  Again I hear a nearby giggle.   “Can’t find me….” giggles…. Yeah cute.

I’m stumped.  I can’t find the bugger.  I can still hear the giggles and “ready or not!” coming from somewhere near me, I’ve even looked under the shelves.  I was just about the go to the shop counter and ask to watch their surveillance video to see where he was, when it occurred to me…. look in the shelves.

There he was, he had built a fort out of chip boxes and was happily eating a his way through a tube of Pringles, while sitting on and crushing two boxes of Smiths Crisps he’d made chair out of.  It’s hard to be annoyed with a kid, when you are just so impressed with his ingenuity, and a little bit frightened when I think… this is what he can do at two years old?!  At least we have a lot of chips for the weekend.

It seems that Henry has competition for the title of future Dark Overlord.

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Filed under Rants & Stuff, Shopping, The Kids