The school run can be a frazzling experience with my crowd, and slightly insane. I decided to make a note of what goes down in my mummy van. It starts the second they get in.
Henry, “I’m a good master chef.”
Austin, “I want donut, we go shop” (this is not a request, it’s a statement). No
Austin, “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (crying) I want go shop now”
Charlie, “Yay let’s go shop! Donuts.”
Henry, “Mummy did you see that I’m a good master chef? I didn’t hear a yes?” Yes
Henry, “mummy what’s master chef?”
A show about barristers that dream about being baristas Honey. Henry, “what’s a barista?”
The lady at shop who makes mummy her coffee.
Charlie, “mummy look at my keg”
Austin, “no no no leg”
Charlie, “Mummy look at my leg. It’s broken it needs a doctor. Doctordoctordoctor!” Your leg is not broken.
Charlie, “you look at my leg”
Georgie, “mummy did you have a pet contest at school? You have to put our fish in a container for me.” Uh huh. We’ll see.
Charlie, “I ate the cheese.”
Henry, “Mummy does Amy’s house have a front door?”
Henry, “is it red?”
I can’t remember.
Henry, “is it blue?”
I really don’t know.
Henry, after a pause. “Mummy is it brown?”
Charlie, “doctor doctor doctor doctor” (chanted like a siren)
Austin, “mummy how you do that?”
Austin, “do that?”
Um. Like this.
Charlie, “Doctor doctor doctor”
Georgie, “Mum how do you do the dugong?”
Georgie, “the dugong, like this!” I spy hands waving in the air in he rear view mirror. Yep like that.
Charlie, “go shop. Wah.” He actually said the word ‘wah’
Charlie, “wah” with added smug grin.
Henry, “what does Jordons name start with?”
Henry, “you’re a liar it does not start with j!”
Ah here we go, the after school rage is coming out.
Don’t call mummy a liar. Do you know what liar means?
Henry, “you said a bad word! Don’t say that bad word to me!” What word as the bad word?
Henry, “That one! Can we have pudding?.”
I think you’ve had enough pudding. I mean, mummy doesn’t have pudding in the car.
Austin, “I want pudding” proceeds to bawl his eyes out.
Henry, “I didn’t hear a yes?”
Charlie, “pudding pudding pudding!” Again chanted like a siren. Sorry after dinner. No pudding in the car.
Georgie, “I’ll be good. Can I have pudding?”
Henry, “mummy did you eat the pudding?”
Austin, “A dogs doing a wee!” At least the tears have stopped. Henry “whys that dog doing a wee?”
He needed to.
Charlie, “I want to wee in the garden!”
Austin, “Mummy can I go toilet?”
No. Nearly home.
Charlie, “hey look at my wee wee”
Leave your pants on!
Austin, “can I go toilet?”
Do you really need to go?
Georgie, “if I’m good can I have pudding while the boys are not allowed?” Ah no.
Henry, “me too.”
THERE IS NO PUDDING IN THE CAR. THERE MAY NOT EVEN BE PUDDING AT HOME. YOU LOT ARE NEGOTIATING FOR SOMETHING I DONT HAVE! Silence
Georgie, “but I’ve been good.”
Sigh. Let’s go get pudding. I need some pudding.
Henry, “but I will get cold”
For the love of…