Tag Archives: Funny

by | April 11, 2013

Today only, an AMAZING deal!

Dear Drivers, I’d like to introduce you to a nifty little gadget.  It’s a one of a kind, why didn’t anyone think of it before sort of invention that makes you wonder how you ever did without it before.

This innovation can save you hundreds or even thousands off your next smash repair bill, because the use of this fabulous little device can help you avoid a smash altogether. But what’s that I hear you say? You have so many buttons to push in your car already, you just don’t know how on earth you could coordinate using another one?  Well I have exciting news for you, this device can be operated with just your pinkie! How effortless is that.I know what your thinking.  Where can I obtain such a marvelous device? And just too excite you even more, for today only you can get two for the price of one.  That’s right, one for the left and right side of your vehicle, and it can be fitted to any kind of vehicle.

But hold your horses, and put down that phone, because you’re not going to believe what I’m going to tell you next.  If you have a vehicle then chances are you already own this amazing invention and didn’t know it!  Head out to your car and hop in the drivers seat and take a look behind the steering wheel, can you see two levers (I know! Where on earth did they come from?! The sales guy never mentioned those things! Maybe they appeared in the last software update?) Push the lever down and you’ll see a flashing light on the dash (it’s ok it is supposed to do that) now hop out and check out the front and back of the car.  How awesome are those matching flashing lights?  Those lights are called indicators and let everyone know where you are going, and it is the done thing to use them when going around corners.

Right now indicators are totally on trend, and now that you’ve got your own fabulous flashing indicators you’ll be on your way in up to date style.  Tell your friends, because everyone will want to know where you found yours.

Still not convinced? Then check out this amazing indicator action below, totally pimps my ride don’tcha think? And I just love to be seen accessorising ;)

Flashing fantastic!

4 Comments

Filed under Complaints Dept, Rants & Stuff

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | November 24, 2011

It must’ve been arson. That’s right, somebody’s been arsing around.

So I was changing the one year olds butt today, and being the good mother that I am (shuddap) I take advantage of every activity as being potentially educational (shuddaaap).   

Anyways, I am doing that cute thing where you point to each body part and say “What’s this?” and we go arm, foot, head and so on.  Being a cheeky little bugger he now asks me “What’s this?’ pointing at his backside, so I say that’s your bum but the kid corrects me “No, arse”.

Alrightly then.

1 Comment

Filed under Babies, Kids Say the Darndest Things, Moments, The Kids, Too Much Information

Tagged as , , ,

by | September 12, 2011

Why parents are losing the battle against junk food.

Why? Because feeding your kids fruit is an expensive exercise.  I don’t think I have to tell you how pricey bananas are these days.  Bananas and grapes are the fruits kids will eat, however being close 20 bucks a kilo in some places, means I’m going to start looking for alternatives. 

So let’s put this in perspective; I bought of bunch of bananas the other week, the price breakdown made it around $3.80 a banana.   Three dollars and eighty cents a banana O_o

You know what else I can get for $3.80?  A happy meal (that comes with a toy and a drink!), a chocolate bar or two, one of those mini pizza bun things, a big bag of twisties, a whole loaf of bread,  a serve of chips at the takeaway shop, a meat pie, a snack box at KFC, a box of choc chip cookies, or I can get a two-hour Melbourne Metlink ticket (to travel around in search of cheaper bananas).

So, bananas.  Value for money?  Given the above list, you be judge.  I know my mortgage is demanding, that I go the option that fills their bellies for longer on the cheap.  And this my friends is why we are losing the battle against junk food.

I know, I can hear you screaming – but what price can you put on a child health? 

Apparently that price is $3.80 ;)

 

5 Comments

Filed under Rants & Stuff

Tagged as ,

by | September 5, 2011

Daddy Day Out.

How was your weekend?  Fathers Day went off without a hitch in our household.  Now what’s with that?!  How on earth did that happen?  We took six children to Weston Park in Canberra, and unbelievably we got through the day tantrum free.   This, with some several hundred other parents also deciding, that Weston Park was the place to go on Fathers Day.  Supervising our children, was like trying to identify individual ants on an anthill.  I’ve never seen so many Dads over doing the Dadness in my life, almost needed a sick bag for how damn pleasant the scene was.  I lost count after spotting 40 something,  of “The Best Dad in the World” t-shirts wearing in the place, all of them trying to champion the title.  But I digress…. We had a terrific day out, a day oft unheard in the Candy’s Family holiday itinerary.  We finally had one of those days you read about in the brochure.  And all it was, was a picnic in the park, that’s it.  Nothing special, but because we got to sit and eat and enjoy a moment in the sun with no tantrums, no chasing, no bickering – it was as good as going on holiday for us.  You just know if it had been Mothers Day or my birthday, these kids would be breaking out the Nunchaku.

2 Comments

Filed under Moments, The Kids

Tagged as ,

by | May 31, 2011

Parent/Teacher interviews, a translation for the uninitiated.

It’s almost mid year, that means parent teacher interview time.  Parents rejoice the moment that note comes home with the little box checked, interview required – yes.  Yeah right.   

With this many children (half a dozen plus one, in case you’re just coming in), I am fast becoming a pro at the art of the parent teacher interview.  I’m fairly sure I’m every teachers nightmare, especially when I pull out an iPad full of my notes and questions. O_o

What newbie parents of school age kids may not realise, is that teachers have a finely tuned turn of phrase – a language if you’ll humor me, that they have crafted especially for use on parents.  Pretty sure it’s a subject in their bachelor of education – How to talk to Parents 101.

A lot of these statements will often be used in place of saying something negative about your child, questions disguised as a statement, but let’s face it – why have you been summoned to the school on a cold winters night?  This probably isn’t going to be your night.  Prepare for an evening of awkward explanations and uncomfortable silences as you figure out what to say next.

While I don’t have the answers, I can help with some translation of the parent teacher interview language for you. 

What is he like at home? = Good god.  How DO you live with him?  

He is full of energy = I simply cannot keep this kid in his seat.

He has interest tastes = Like glue, glitter, sand, the class guinea pigs food and paint.

He always seems very hungry = Obviously sandwiches are not his thing.  Try spreading glitter on them. Our stationary costs are mounting.

She is very creative, and we need to find a way to channel that into something = Drawing horns and glasses on every picture she comes across in any book, is getting a bit old. The class has been banned from the library.

She needs to be more focussed on her class work = When she is not drawing on library books, she is staring out the window. Quite probably daydreaming about drawing glasses on ponies.

We enjoy having him in the class = This kid is more fun to watch than the circus.

He is a very affectionate little boy = Some parents outside may wish to talk to you also. Kiss chase is just not the done thing these days.

Thanks for coming, it’s lovely to meet you = Wow, you made it I didn’t think you’d be so together given what I see from your child each day, and amazingly you look quite normal! (Damn I owe the deputy a fiver).

10 Comments

Filed under School, The Kids

Tagged as ,