I was having one of those mornings, when pushing my buttons is pretty easy. It’s as if my button is a gigantic bright red one with do not push written all over it, and so what is the first thing you want to do? PUSH IT! I decided to use today as a writing day, because I just don’t get to anymore. Things didn’t quite go to plan, I didn’t get to write what I was supposed to write, but I do have a tale to tell.
By the end of this post I will probably end up curling up in a ball rocking back and forth, but I’ll give it a shot. I have to write something today! I decided to start the day off with a bit of fun for the kids, the idea was to get them tired so that they’d leave me alone. I took them, on my own (yes all six of them), to the local spring festival. Usually I’ve got this shit, or so I thought.
I should’ve seen the warning signs when the first tantrum started from the four year old (Mr ‘cry because it gets me things at school‘), because I dared to stop and look at a market stall, we’d only just arrived and already it was on. We skip the stalls and go and spend the necessary half hour on the play equipment, while they play I spend the time perfecting my apology statements to the parents of other children that may have experienced the wrath of my minions. Eventually I run out of ideas and we move on to the gates of hell; sideshow alley. Barely getting past the show bag stand with my wallet intact, and only doing so by distracting the smaller children as we passed. With faces all painted like cats, we are almost out the other side and on the home straight, when they see it. The inflatable alter at which all children come to weep, worship and bounce. The jumping castle.
This ought to round things off nicely I thought. Idiot.
Only little ones were allowed on the castle, however my big thirteen year old autie boy still thinks he is little, and was already taking off his shoes to go on. The lovely bloke running the ride said to me that he could go on, saying he looks like a gentle giant and shouted him a free go. Regrets….. I have a few….. Can you hear that song? I can.
On they go, Miss 12 and Mr ‘cry because it gets me things at school‘ decided to sit this one out. As soon as his bottom touched the ground the tears began to fall for the bazillionth time that day, he wanted a lollypop. Bawling as if I’d branded him and wanting something that I didn’t have either, so I did my best to settle him down. While I was doing this Autie boy decided to let everyone know just how much he was enjoying the jumping castle, by stripping naked. Yes you read that right, in front of around 20 people he gets his kit off, and puberty is not being kind to him at the moment. ALL KINDS OF AWKWARD.
I launch myself into the castle and grab him his clothes and his siblings and drag them out and behind it, throwing my apologies in every direction as I went. Miss 12 goes into damage control mode, which she has sadly gotten very good at and rounds up all our remaining gear and waits. Close enough if I need her, but not close enough for people to be sure she is with us. I wouldn’t come near us either if I was her, geez we’re embarrassing.
Autie boy clothed and shod, I attempt to leave. That’s when I find Mr 3 standing in the tulips pulling them out, and Mr 4 sitting on a picnic blanket of a strange family eating their food.
And that my friends is the moment I pushed my own big red button.