Why do I never learn?

Every time I go shopping with all these bast… cu…. cherubs of mine, I almost always vow never ever ever ever again, because OH MAH GAWD these kids can really misbehave in a most impressive fashion.

The husband doesn’t often get the ‘pleasure’ of taking all six kids shopping, he even managed to miss the experience somehow while I was in China last month.  I try to avoid it too.  However this morning I nipped into the shops for the paper and whatever else it was I just had to have, this time I had only two kids in tow.

Austin and Charlie, own their own, they’re great kids adorable kids even. The kind of kids that attract the attention of nannas, that think they’re cute enough to give them two dollars for the coin op ride in the shopping centre.  I once had a lady come up and give me a bag of milky ways “for the little lad”, because while I was paying for my stuff Austin had been busy waving at the passing ladies and saying Hello as cute as only a three year old can. He had won her heart.  The little con man.  Put them together and pure evil often results.

Back to the supermarket this morning, and I figured its just a quick trip in so I go in sans the double stroller.  Quite often the stroller is the only way to keep a lid on their behaviour, so I really don’t know what I was thinking.  As we enter the chattering starts and both boys want to go here or there, apparently and very loudly, I am told that I am going the wrong way.

Holding two small sweating protesting hands, purse in my teeth and shopping basket being fought over I drag them to the aisles I need. This meant passing lots of lollies and shiny things at toddler height, and it became necessary to move them on.

Austins modus operandi when he wants something is to stand fixed immovably in front of the object of desire, and look as miserable as he possibly can until someone stops and asks him what’s the matter.  He’ll point and tearfully mutter “want it” snot oozing from every hole in his head. I’ll be standing at the end of the aisle telling him “Bye! I’m going now” which has no effect.  Physically removing him is the only answer.  Which is when the kicking and screaming starts.

The problem is, he WILL find an object he wants in every aisle in the shop. Every aisle.

Moving right along, and Austin again decided he wanted something and an ‘Occupy the Chip Aisle’ protest starts.  While levering Austin from his position of protest Charlie vanished, and it is not usually his form to disappear from my line of sight, so I was instantly filled with a sense of doom.  I stop, trying to work out what direction would he have gone listening for the scurrying sound of a toddler making good his escape.  When I hear him giggle, nearby.  I’m alone with Mr ‘Occupy the Chip Aisle’ still standing fixed to the spot, and I figure he isn’t going anywhere so I start a search for Charlie.  Again I hear a nearby giggle.   “Can’t find me….” giggles…. Yeah cute.

I’m stumped.  I can’t find the bugger.  I can still hear the giggles and “ready or not!” coming from somewhere near me, I’ve even looked under the shelves.  I was just about the go to the shop counter and ask to watch their surveillance video to see where he was, when it occurred to me…. look in the shelves.

There he was, he had built a fort out of chip boxes and was happily eating a his way through a tube of Pringles, while sitting on and crushing two boxes of Smiths Crisps he’d made chair out of.  It’s hard to be annoyed with a kid, when you are just so impressed with his ingenuity, and a little bit frightened when I think… this is what he can do at two years old?!  At least we have a lot of chips for the weekend.

It seems that Henry has competition for the title of future Dark Overlord.


Filed under Rants & Stuff, Shopping, The Kids

3 Responses to Why do I never learn?

  1. Lisa Abejja

    Oh God you sent shivers down my spine *shudders* I HATE shopping with small kids that are untethered in some manner… if it’s not the trolley it’s the pram for sure here.. Otherwise they’re NOT coming !

  2. Why don’t the build a double decker trolley? Bottom deck is a child cage, top deck is for groceries. Solid layer between each deck. Solved.

    • Yeah, and while we’re on about trolleys what happened to the twin trolleys that coles and woolies used to have?!
      I need that super sized trolley to be back in the circulation again!

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