Going underground.

Without knowing it, I went into hiding.  I had too much to do, and not enough time to do one thing or another for any length of time, so that meant nothing got done.  Things broke down and I was too busy to fix them, things just went to pot.  And the builders are STILL coming and going at my place, annoying me and upsetting our routines no end.

All to often lately I sit down in front of the keyboard ready to write/work/email, and words fail me or the phone rings again.  I’m surprised I got this far into this post really.  Actually between this sentence and that one, I dicked around on Facebook for a minute, broke up a fight, and changed two nappies.

My writing mojo has farted its way out of my brain.  There are a couple of reasons for this, the main culprit is life.  It has to go on and sitting on my arse blogging about it isn’t living it, or getting the dishwasher loaded.  I have had way to much going on.  Still do.  But then what’s new about that.

The other reason is that I can only write when I’m smiling.  I’ve found very few reasons not to do so these past few weeks.  I know we’re supposed to be grateful for all we have, your kids, home, life all that bullshit.  You know the meditation done by people who really have nothing to be sad about but think they do, so off they go looking for the little things in life to be grateful for and post inspirational crap about it on Facebook – you know the ones.  Pffft, walk a mile in my shoes, but I digress…

Our son Austin was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Development Disorder) a couple of weeks back.  Yeah.  I officially became the parent of four kids who are somewhere along that fun little spectrum called Autism.  That is more than half my children.

I don’t write this here looking for pity.  Actually I really don’t want to hear how sorry anyone is for us, because I know you are, but pity doesn’t help me smile.  Wine and chocolate on the other hand…

I think you’d agree that I sound a little angry, and I am.   I’ll get past it, I usually do.  I may tear a few people a new one along that road however.  Especially those who dare to ask (and I kid you not, this has happened more than once), why did we have so many children if so many of them are turning out to be “this way”?

A question that is completely pointless, what is to be gained from knowing the answer?  I’m not going to justify our decision to have children to anyone, why should I?  ?  I think the question that needs to be asked is, why does one need to know?  Where are you going with this? Are they trying to say this is all my fault for having so many children?  I know a couple of people will read this paragraph and cringe, please know that I bear no ill will you just made a mistake, I just ask you to think about what I have said here for next time you feel the need to ask such a question.  My smartarse answer belied all manner of hurt at the time.   Anyway….

But you all know me, always looking for the bright side of things, and I’m sure there will be one.  I’ll let you know when it becomes apparent 😉

In 40 days I will travel to China.   On.my.own.   For two whole weeks I get to pretend I don’t wipe bums and snot all day, everyday, and may be a functioning adult capable of holding down a real job for all anyone knows.  Boo yeah.   There see, a bright side already.  I might even start a countdown on Facebook 😉

Thanks for hanging in there this far. xx




Filed under Autism, Changes, Rants & Stuff

5 Responses to Going underground.

  1. You have doubled my high score! That means you get to type your name into the Autism Machine…….
    Know a bit about how you feel, especially when real shit hits fan and a pretty dreadful situation takes on an extra layer of stress because you have to fit it all around Autism.
    I often wonder about elite athletes: in an envious way. Imagine having all that time to just focus on ONE thing? Knowing that if you succeed you get to march around representing your country and may even get a medal, and a sponsorship deal, and maybe a job coaching or commentating when you retire at the ripe old age of 30.
    Whereas special needs parenting means having to be able to do 90 things at once, all under extreme pressure.
    No march, no medals, just the hope that you will end the day with as many children that you started it with & there was no collateral damage to well meaning bystanders.

    xx from the stands Candy and xx more

  2. Sympathies Candy… I can’t imagine hearing a dx gets any easier, no matter how many times you’ve heard it before. I reckon we mums need to let ourselves feel completely crap at times.

    So keen to hear about China, I’ve never been, hope to see it through your eyes.

    • Thanks Seana, I did get it out of my system (mostly thanks to this blog post purge).
      Only a month till China, I’ve already worked out that I can probably access facebook from China using my Kindle – so hopefully some kind of update will happen 😉

  3. Oh wow Candy, I have only just found your blog, but WOW. Some people should have their voice boxes removed at birth so they can’t say stupid, insensitive and just plain rude comments.
    4 kids slip sliding on the spectrum must be hard bloody work! I have one who is diagnosed and 2 who we know are ‘left of centre’ but seem to cope ok at school…
    As for those smarmy,” I’m so deep even the Dalai Lama asks me for advice” Facebook updates, I have a little theory on those. The louder you blow your own trumpet, the more time you spend secretly rocking in the corner with a bottle of scotch .

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