Tom (my big autie boy), did something special this morning. He was sitting on the couch flicking through a story book, obsessing over pictures of Woody and Buzz as is his way. He stopped at a page and looked up at me, he grabbed my hand and held it up and said ‘The Claw!”. Just when you think he is slipping away into his own little world again, he comes back out a little, but only a little. But hey I’ll take whatever comes, it sure did make me smile this morning.
I haven’t mentioned this to too many people lately, but I am getting a little worried about being able to handle Tom as well as I used to. He is getting very tall and strong. This morning he decided to curl up in a ball on the floor because he didn’t want to go to school, I couldn’t unfold him he had curled up that tight. He can stay so tense that when you pick him up (if you can), his limbs stay in the same position, he would give these ‘Plankers’ a run for their money I tell you. The boy does not sleep, and I’m starting to think he could be spending his evenings working out. I think I am going to have to lobby for some funding for hired household muscle, just someone who stands to the side and jumps in when you need extra hands, and maybe brings you wine while wearing a loin cloth in the down time.
We rarely know what Tom is thinking, and this make special occasions a little sad. Well for me they are, because I have to deal with the guilt I feel about never knowing if I have made him happy. What does the boy who cannot talk, want for Christmas or his birthday? He never gets excited about things in a toy shop, he doesn’t show any desires aside from eating and wanting to watch his favourite movies. Eleven years on and we still haven’t broken into his world and said a proper Hello. Wouldn’t it be nice, no it would be awesome, to one day have him say: Hello Mum, can I have… The funny thing is we’ve heard Tom talk in his sleep, or as he is coming out of an anesthetic, he can talk. Is it that he chooses not to? He cannot or will not?
This stuff does my head in some days.