Today we are having open house number five or six (I’ve lost count), in an effort to sell our house and get the hell out of dodge. But despite the house being only four years old, coming with five acres of land and being priced very low, we have not had a single offer. We have had around a dozen families come through and check the place out, who are not ready to buy yet. WTF?!
So here’s the deal for today, since I have had to keep my house showroom clean with half a dozen kids for weeks now, you – prospective buyer – will now only gain entry by sticking to the following rules.
1. You will have the finance ready before looking at houses. This – we have to sell our house first, but we haven’t got it on the market yet – shit is starting to get old.
2. If you are a couple with no children, don’t waste your petrol driving out here to look. I can save you my time and yours right now, this house is too big for you.
3. To the husbands who can’t be arsed showing up when there wives come see the house and then ask to shown the house mid week once the wife has talked them into it – just tell her no and save us both a lot of hassle.
4. One for the real estate agent – be here on time! People show up to look through the house when you are not here yet. I have to show them through! If I sell it do I get the commission? Oh and keep peoples sticky fingered little kids out my stuff, we have one child mourning favourite toy that disappeared after an open day. Which I have now discovered is a collectors items and can’t be replaced for under a 100 bucks, thanks for that.
5. Oh and single old blokes? Just cough up the dough or go away, you are creeping me out. What do you want?!
Okay that’ll do…
I have to get up and clean this house up for the tyre kickers.