10 things your mum didn’t tell you about having toddlers.

  1. They can go from zero to tantrum in 0.3 of a second.
  2. They can materialize underneath your feet the very moment you are carrying something hot, when you know only seconds ago they were outside in the sandpit.
  3. They will spend at least 20 hours of each day with something sticky on their face.  No matter how many times you wipe them off.
  4. They will press said sticky face into your bosom while you buckle them into their car seat (this will be unavoidable).
  5. As soon as you rattle a plastic bag (say a bag full of mummies private chocolate stash) they will appear, just like a cat when you open the fridge door or get the can opener out of the drawer.
  6. They will choose to use your most expensive lipstick as a crayon, usually while daddy is ‘watching’ them.
  7. During those wonderful toilet training months your toddler will shout down the walls of any public toilet you have to take them to, so much so that people will question what you were doing to the child when you come out.  (Husband refuses to take the kids into the loo anymore because of this).
  8. You will find yourself watching toddler tv shows, and will learn all the lyrics to the songs, and often you’ll find yourself watching these shows alone just out of habit.  I’ve been most of the way through Dora the DAMN explorer before I’ve realised I’m watching it alone, but hey I’ve learnt a lot of spanish.
  9. They won’t hold your hand at the shops. Remember back when you didn’t have kids and you had ideals, and you thought that those kiddie leash things were so demeaning to a child – now what do you think huh?
  10. And you’ve probaby heard this before, and sadly it is true.  E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. is theirs. If you put something down, it’s theirs.  If they look at, it’s theirs.  If someone walks by with something they fancy, it will become theirs.  Getting the picture yet? Even the contents of your handbag will become their playthings if you are not careful.  The word ‘sharing’ will have no meaning for them until they get to the age of five, and even then…


And to think I only have two babies left to get through toddlerhood.


Filed under The Kids

5 Responses to 10 things your mum didn’t tell you about having toddlers.

  1. Debra Downey

    Toddlers are just like seagulls 😉

  2. Love it, love it. It is a long time ago for me, but man, that brought back memories!

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