Dear, Dearest Husband,
I am writing this to you so that when it comes to my committal hearing there will be a paper trail. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Dear Husband. I am tired. More than tired, completely and utterly exhausted.
I would love to think that you are unaware of this fact, but I know you are, and have been for some years now. Dear Husband. The novelty has worn off the “I just don’t hear the kids” excuse, and shine has really come off the “but you’re the one with breasts” excuse too. And I’m sorry the “I’ve worked hard all day” excuse isn’t going to wash either, dear Husband. You forget until last year I did the same job, yeah you ain’t fooling anyone with that line. Hard work, pfffft.
So here’s the deal, dear Husband.
One day very soon I plan on going to sleep, and yes it will be for the whole day.
And here is what I expect from you dear Husband.
- You will not make it so that at least half of the children are crying at the same time.
- You will not spend the day telling the children “Shut up you’ll wake your mother”. As that is all I will hear.
- You will not come and wake me to cook certain foods because “The kids only eat it when you cook it”
- Nor do I want to be woken for meals. I shall be taking to bed with supplies of chocolate.
- You will answer the children when they speak to you. If they have to say your name more than three times they will come looking for me. This is not acceptable.
- You are to remain awake for the whole day. I appreciate that you have an outstanding talent for falling asleep anywhere anytime, despite having had oodles of sleep. But I will not be able to relax wondering if you’ve parked your carcass on the couch to snooze in front of the telly. I will be checking the couch for ass dents on waking.
- I don’t want to get up and have to feed and change all the children or find them in the same outfits they got up in.
- Nor do I want to find the house a mess or things (especially my things) broken, the lame ass and often used “I was only out of the room for a second” excuse will not wash.
These are my demands Dear Husband – consider yourself lucky there are not more – I could expect you to do everything that I have to do in a day. All you need to do is keep the kids alive and keep them clean, I don’t think I’m asking for much. All these kids were your idea I recall.
…… end rant…..