Something I’ve noticed, especially since my Mother started using Facebook, is asshat use of Facebook statuses and WRONG shorthand emotions. Let me share what tires me out, having seen this sort of thing in my status feed too often.
Vomit love – I don’t need to hear how much you love your “hubsie wubsie, snookums, cuddle bear” (sorry just vomited a little in my mouth). So you are a ‘smug married’, WE KNOW, your single friends are unfriending you in droves, stop it right now. Why is that you feel the need to update your status with “Going to bed with my gorgeous husband”. First of all, we know what your husband looks like and gorgeous isn’t going to cover it, and really one must ask themselves why do you feel the need to tell us this information? Who is it for? In my humble opinion it sounds like insecure ‘staking my man claim’ to me, marking your territory for all the ladies who keep sending your man meat virtual hugs and the occasional poke. Let them poke him, saves you the effort and gets you more sleep… just kidding 😉
And bloody date nights! I’ve got a lot a friends who proudly update their Facebook status’ to say “Awesome! Goin on a date nite tonite” statements like this make want to hit them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. And not just for the poor spelling. Yes I get it, we all get it. You have one spoiled child and feel the need to have time out from that one small individual. I can imagine the pressure of raising that one child must be huge. *insert rolled eye face here* FFS. Sure I understand you and your spouse need to “reconnect” every now and then, be careful with that you might end up too connected and like me 😉 This probably only shits me because I have never had a date night. Can’t seem to find a baby sitter that we can pay enough danger money to.
And then there is the passive aggressive update, yes I do these too. It’s those super witty comeback and imaginary conversations you wish you had with the guy at the customer service centre. Stop that, you’re just making us all sad. Because the next thing that happens is some nice friend will comment “What’s up?”, so you are going to have to retell the saga for those who aren’t in the know, only making yourself shitty about the incident all over again. Trust me I know.
Potty training triumphs – don’t make me explain why this is wrong, you should just KNOW!
Photos of crap you have cooked. We all eat. It’s boring. We can’t all be masterchef’s at home. Was it really worth your bandwidth to upload a photo of last nights laksa, that already looks like someone had eaten it once already before it got to the plate. Ask yourself.
If you’re going to use shorthand phrases like LOL, FFS or WTF (my personal and over-used favourite), please be certain you know what they mean. Recently a friend of mine used her status to give us the news of someone’s death. The resulting comments that followed were all along the lines of sympathy and condolences, but there was one that stood out. It was a single: LOL. I am sure they meant it to say lot’s of love, but what is it more commonly used for? That’s right; Laugh Out Loud!
But then again that comment wasn’t half as confusing as working out what was meant by “Michelle” checking the ‘Michelle likes this’ button. That deserves a WTF?
Sure I am guilty of a few of these, and I will continue to use my status line to rant about the husband’s useless parenting efforts and the children being evil little bastards, simply because I know no one else around here will listen 😉
The reality is updates like the above make me laugh, hard.